Challenged

"Oh Praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead"

Such strong words, strong words that really hit home. You see, i had a tough conversation with my mom today about my Alopecia. For those who dont know, i have a hair loss disease. I have been going to a dermatologist and he has been giving me steroid shots in my head to help stimulate hair growth. This has worked for 2 years however, i dont feel like the shots are working anymore...

I have clung to the shots to heal me, but they havent. The first time it happened i had known God my whole childhood but had lost God and the outbreak of hair loss, made me search for him again. This time however, i felt close to God and as i grow closer, it seems the shots are less effective. I kept asking myself and God "why?" I knew i loved God, and i longed for Him, but I was confused and upset at his tactics. I got to a point where externally, all seemed well but internally i felt God calling me to draw near to him again. I felt emotionally, and spiritually drained. I needed to worship and have 1-on-1 time with God.

When i got home from work i was SO excited to get to go worship and then i got on facebook and had a message asking if i could help with kids. I LOVE kids, but for some reason i started BAWLING! I felt so disconnected, and i was so excited to worship and reconnect and be refreshed that i didnt want to do one of my FAVORITE things? I laid there and cried and i felt God telling me, "Its okay, you will figure it out." sure enough, i got to the church, prayed with my fellow intern Bailey. She told me that she could tell by looking at me that i was struggling. BY LOOKING AT ME? now that is saying something. She stepped up and told me that i could worship and her and Alexis would deal with kids. Then we were told we had 0-5th grade. I was ready to just give up on my alone time with God so i could be accountable to her, to the kids, and to my church. Bailey wouldnt let me. So i got everything set up, told the kids to be nice, listen to Bailey and Alexis and left.

If Bailey hadnt pushed me to go to worship i wouldnt have heard this "Oh praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead." That part of the song hit me, why was I upset with God? God gave his only son to die on the cross for MY sins. Jesus died WILLINGLY because it was part of God's bigger PLAN for me and you. Jesus DIED as a part of God's plan and i was upset with him for a hair loss disease? I realized, just like God had Jesus die to do his work, he would use me, and my experiences to also do work in His name.

As i was singing i remembered something. One night as i was in prayer i asked God to challenge me. To challenge me physically, emotionally and spiritually. God hit all 3 birds with 1 stone. Challenged physically-losing hair, challenged emotionally- fear of losing all my hair again, worry, challenged spiritually- I was starting to question Him, i feel he was challenging my faith in Him.

I am so glad that Bailey pushed me to go, and i am so glad for all the support she and everyone else in my life have given me. Now that i realize my alopecia is a tool i can use to do God's work, i am THANKFUL for it. I am ready to do God's work! I want to use my experiences and my love to teach kids about God's love, and to never give up no matter how much it hurts. God uses our trials to strengthen us!

I feel refreshed, renewed, refilled and ready to encounter God's plan! :)